Promises to myself

I promise that I will acknowledge when I kick major ass and forgive myself for the occasional misstep.

I promise that I will honor my body and spirit's needs and not push myself unless I know that to do so will move me further towards my goal.

I promise that I will more carefully evaluate opportunities to make sure they align with my goals and values.

I promise that I will eat ice cream if I damn well want to, but I won't try to shove food down my gullet just to fill some unknown hole.

I promise that I will take charge of my finances once and for all, even if that means seriously buckling down for a year or two to pay off the hideous and evil debt (including the student loans).

I promise that, next year, I will have made more money than last year - and I promise that it will be accomplished without losing sight of my health and well-being.

I promise that I will continue to kick major ass, because I'm damn good at it.

On Self-Improvement

This is the beginning of a poem or a story, I know it:

There's only so long you can go on a self-improvement bender before you start to believe that you're hideously, irreparably broken.

This thought came to me about a week ago, after going through a Ladies Who Launch Incubator, reading book after article after book about how to Fix That Which Ails Me, and agreeing to do a six-week service trade with a professional coach because that's just how messed up I was feeling. In every possible way, I was convincing myself that I was broken beyond reason, only to read more and convince myself that I was even more broken then I am. Finally, towards the end of a Human Awareness Institute meeting I was convinced to attend by a relatively new friend, I had a breakthrough. The facilitator asked if I would be joining them for the upcoming workshop they were holding, and I was finally able to say, "Actually, I really don't think it's the right time for me to do that."

I'm done "fixing" myself. While positive change does need to happen, it also IS happening, and I need to step back and accept that instead of constantly trying every new thing presented to me that seems like it might turn my life around.

It fits ALL. Really?

Taken from a yoga store's website:

"This tank is available in a single, one-size-fits-all size. It will comfortably fit anyone from size 2 through 8."

I ask you, REALLY. Is that one size fits ALL?

Let me start (well, okay—continue) this rant by stating one thing unequivocally: I ain't petite. I never WAS petite. I shall never BE petite. At my absolute thinnest EVER I was a size 10, and while some probably thought I could have lost even a bit more weight, I didn't need to, and I certainly didn't want to. I, and my body, were perfectly happy at a size 10. I looked good. I was healthy. I was happy. As. A. Size. 10.

Now. You wanna rephrase that one-size-fits-all bit?

Losing Weight Step 1: Love Yourself As You Are.

According to a recent newsletter by Dr. Christiana Northrup, author of Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom,, the first step to lasting weight loss and changing your relationship with food is to love yourself exactly as you are. With that in mind, during the trip to Target I mentioned in last night's entry, I decided that my first order of business was to buy a few clothing items that would be comfortable and look great on me at the size I am now, instead of my normal habit of keeping my closet full of clothes that are my old size and telling myself I'll "get back down to that weight someday." I purposely kept the selections to a minimum and bought really nice items - a dark red button-down shirt, a brown cashmere sweater, a new bra and two gorgeous pairs of dress pants.

Last night, I made it a point to dress up with full makeup (not a remotely normal occurence for me), and I wore my new red shirt to a party at a friend's house, along with a skirt and high-heeled boots. And, much to my delight, I got several compliments on the outfit from several of the party-goers, which motivated me to go on an hourlong speed-walk with my boyfriend Nick after we got home last night. I also took time out this evening for another 45-minute walk, which will likely be followed up by a half hour of yoga later on.

The next step: examining my relationship with food and fine-tuning my eating habits.