Reflections on self-reflection

This seems to be a time of fairly intense self-reflection for me; I'm busy as ever between the zen kitchen, a fairly active social life, long-term relationship, family commitments, etc, but there's a growing part of me that's been retreating to look inward the last couple of months. First it was just reading everything I could, watching The Secret and listening to teleseminars and watching Suze Orman on WGBH (who ROCKS, by the way - a new role model for me!) - then it turned into meditation and journaling, and making time for yoga and extra-long baths in the evening. And now, I'm trying to pare down my social life a bit so I can have more time for the meditation and journaling.

Why am I doing this? Well, I'm not sure other than to say it needed to be done. Sometimes (and this last few years has definitely been an example of this) you get so caught up in the day-to-day fires that you end up on autopilot, moving from task to task without making time to take stock of situations and learn the lessons you need to. This autopilot mentality has lead to so many negative things in my life - from the weight gain due mostly to eating on the run and not taking time to check in with my body in terms of what it needs, to the friends, clients and lovers I shouldn't have taken on but did because I ignored all the various red flags that were staring me in the face from the beginning. Now that I'm taking things a bit slower, I'm still getting a lot done, but I'm more careful about it. I do better work, I eat better (and a LOT less - but I think that's more the onset of spring than anything else), and I'm a lot happier with the friendships I've been able to nurture and the clients that are coming to the zen kitchen. And I've finally gone under 200 again - which means that 10 pounds has said goodbye to me.

So I like it. And I'm going to keep doing it.

I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar! (quietly, yes, but still)

This morning I finally took myself up on my commitment to go to o2 Yoga on Tuesday mornings, and even after three days of no yoga and WAY more meat than I should ever be eating, I have to say I'm a lot stronger than I think I am. I was able to get through a pretty vinyasa-heavy class (for the non-yoga folks out there, it's this sequence of postures where you touch your toes, jump back to a push-up position, do a push up, arch your back up and then bring your butt up so your body's in an upside-down V shape. This happens about every 5 minutes as you do the practice.) without killing myself, although I was doing it A LOT more slowly towards the end. Still, it was definitely Good For Me.

What I like about going to class as opposed to my normal home practice (especially when the class is at o2) is that it's inspiring - most of the students at o2 are people, like me, who do yoga as their primary spiritual/physical practice, and all of them have really beautiful bodies - a body which, despite having quite a bit of extra padding still, I'm starting to see in myself.

I have so much more to write about in terms of various life-changing moments, but I have to go be productive now. I'm so pleased!