Getting over something(s)

So, I've been fighting off some mystery illness for about a week now - I thought I had gotten over it with antibiotics, but a whole new crop of nasty popped up. I'm reasonably functional, but I have a dry, sore throat in the mornings, my breathing is strained, and my chest feels like it's filled with rubber bands. Ick Ick Ick.

Part of this, I'm guessing, is emotional.

This has been a time of letting go all around - I realized yesterday (with no particular provocation) that a few of the more questionable relationship choices I've made were still lurking in my psyche, and part of that was due to a "memory box" I kept in my built-in hutch. Much of the memory box was filled with correspondence from friends, Christmas cards and the like, but there were also collections of letters from all three of the toxic relationships that currently won't leave my brain. The e-mails from the man who really really liked me until three weeks in before he started panicking, the letters from the guy who was just plain psycho, an unsent letter to a man I should have left less than a month into a 3-month drama stint. All there, all shoving themselves into my line of vision.

Needless to say, most of the box's contents are now in the recycling bin. They go out permanently tomorrow evening. I slept pretty well (despite a minor fit of restlessness) last night, and woke up in a good mood this morning. And the ick is starting to get better. See the connection?

Getting clearer

This week has been... interesting. Challenging, but interesting.

I realized after a day of being completely useless and, frankly, miserable that, as much as I'd sometimes really like to, I just can't do the after-midnight bedtimes anymore. I wake up too late and feel like a wreck the next day. Part of the late bedtime was due to my own procrastination, as well as my insistance on taking on more during the day than is physically possible (because yeah, I'm Superwoman like that). On Monday, I stayed up until about 2am working on a strategic vision and marketing plan for the zen kitchen, which is a surprisingly exhausting and somewhat scary activity. I'm actually starting to think like a CEO, and being someone who hated corporate in all its incarnations, this is a very new thing for me. So I'm working through it.

Meanwhile, there have been a LOT of positives this week. I seem to be getting smaller again (although I'm not completely sure how), I was able to complete the marketing plan and create a manageable system to market myself each week/month (with actual milestones to track progress), and I'm about halfway done with the tzk mission statement; now I just have to figure out what makes me unique in the marketplace, and start seriously looking at who my competitors are and how I can distinguish myself from them. In the meantime, I have a few new projects trickling in, and a lot of people asking about my services - which is just LOVELY.

That's all to report for now.

Happiness abounds

Okay, so I haven't been feeding myself that well lately (damnable PMS!) but today, I am in the best mood ever. In a meeting with a potential client (where I was more authentically me and truly effective and clear at What I Do than I've been since I started this business), I realized what I'd been missing - it was that authenticity piece, and that chance to bring a truly well-rounded suite of services to the zen kitchen's clients. For the first time since I hung up my shingle almost a year and a half ago, I was able to communicate with clarity and conviction what I am for my clients - a creative problem solver. Someone who can listen to the challenges you're facing in your business and come up with ideas that can help you turn those problems around. And not only can I come up with the ideas, I have the design talent and creative vision to help you solve those problems on every level, from brand design and print/web pieces to new and simple ways to enhance your customer's experience with your brand. I feel so alive and happy now that I want to squee!

All right - must be productive. But I thought I'd share that as a change from my last few days of whining.