So, I'm on day three of the big Florida trip, and thus far I've done yoga every day and evening, and I even got in a 1-hour private class with my boyfriend Nick's mother (who it turns out is a quite accomplished yogini herself) along with my two daily practices. The eating is still not quite where it should be (I'm feeling insanely bloated today from all the food I've been eating and the overwhelming lack of fiber), but I'm practicing compassion and forgiveness towards myself for it, and working towards enforcing smaller portions with myself, which proves challenging with Nick's family; his father loves to cook as much as I do, and every time he does there's a metric ton of really tasty food to contend with. If I can just get him not to do appetizers all the time in addition to three courses, I'd be okay.
Overall, though, I'm pleased. I'm a bit behind the ball on yoga today (I couldn't get to sleep last night, so I'm off-kilter today), but I'm going to do it now. Ta!
Friday, December 22, 2006
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Ups and Downs on Vacation
So here I am in sunny Florida, and while this is, in fact, a vacation, I'm still finding it hard to actually step away from work. Darn the fact that I can still get an Internet connection! The good news is that I can check my e-mail and put out any major fires if they happen; I can also respond to the lovely comments people made on my last newsletter (which you can sign up for on the zen kitchen's website - it's got news from my design studio, a really cool recipe and some links to recent entries on the zen kitchen blog). I also answered a phone call this morning from Kelle Sparta, a consultant who works with the real estate industry, who wants to interview me for her podcast. So all good things, but still, it's work. Must improve that.
Thus far I've been very good with exercise; I decided to start the exercise program from scratch and see if I can commit to a morning yoga routine and an evening yoga routine (more to relax than anything else) every day, and then after a few weeks I can expand on that. So far, so good... despite the fact that I've had people around most of the day, I've managed to make time for my yoga practices.
Eating, on the other hand, has been tough. My boyfriend's family tends to have a LOT of food during holiday meals, and I'm realizing that it's important for me to start seriously rationing myself, especially when it comes to dinners here, which always start with an appetizer I really shouldn't eat as much of as I do. Ah well - a challenge for tomorrow.
Thus far I've been very good with exercise; I decided to start the exercise program from scratch and see if I can commit to a morning yoga routine and an evening yoga routine (more to relax than anything else) every day, and then after a few weeks I can expand on that. So far, so good... despite the fact that I've had people around most of the day, I've managed to make time for my yoga practices.
Eating, on the other hand, has been tough. My boyfriend's family tends to have a LOT of food during holiday meals, and I'm realizing that it's important for me to start seriously rationing myself, especially when it comes to dinners here, which always start with an appetizer I really shouldn't eat as much of as I do. Ah well - a challenge for tomorrow.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Vacation!
At long last, it's finally almost time for my trip down to Florida, to spend 9 days with my boyfriend and his family. I'm looking so forward to it I could scream. I never realize how stressed out I get until it's finally time for a vacation. Then, my breathing clears up, I start sleeping better, I finally start making time for things like yoga and reading (well, at least, reading - still working on the yoga on vacation thing). When I get back, I feel refreshed and ready to work, but start falling into my old habits pretty soon again.
So this is my new challenge: using the upcoming vacation as a kickstart to a new schedule that still gets everything done, but makes time for things like daily yoga and reading books and magazines on a regular basis.
Let's see if I can actually handle this.
So this is my new challenge: using the upcoming vacation as a kickstart to a new schedule that still gets everything done, but makes time for things like daily yoga and reading books and magazines on a regular basis.
Let's see if I can actually handle this.
Shifting Things Around
So I've been a bit moody of late, partly due to the weather (the late sunrises and early sunsets make me a bit cranky), and partly because of the insanity of holiday schedules. One of the things I realized was making me cranky was actually my bedroom - although it was mostly fine, I had these very dark brown curtains hanging on the windows which made it incredibly dark in the room at all times. Even with the curtains open, there was almost no light coming in. Add that to a dark red comforter on the bed and just a lot of red and black in the room in general, and my room was really, really dark and kind of depressing, which was affecting my mood when I woke up, which was affecting my mood for the rest of the day. You see the pattern.
So, today I decided to do something about it. I have now replaced the brown curtains (they're going to my mother for her candle shop) with some sunny orange curtains that let in plenty of light. I still have the red comforter, but it's covered by a light green super-fuzzy blanket, and all of the furniture has been moved around to a much better configuration. I have my bed positioned so I'll be able to look out the windows as I wake up, and my meditation alter positioned so I'll be able to look out the windows as I meditate (before, it was against the wall looking out into the hallway), and overall, I feel much happier about the current configuration.
The next step is tackling the office. This one's going to be a bit more of a challenge; I have a lot of stuff in a relatively small space, and it has been really hard to convince myself that I don't need half of the stuff in there. Wish me luck!
So, today I decided to do something about it. I have now replaced the brown curtains (they're going to my mother for her candle shop) with some sunny orange curtains that let in plenty of light. I still have the red comforter, but it's covered by a light green super-fuzzy blanket, and all of the furniture has been moved around to a much better configuration. I have my bed positioned so I'll be able to look out the windows as I wake up, and my meditation alter positioned so I'll be able to look out the windows as I meditate (before, it was against the wall looking out into the hallway), and overall, I feel much happier about the current configuration.
The next step is tackling the office. This one's going to be a bit more of a challenge; I have a lot of stuff in a relatively small space, and it has been really hard to convince myself that I don't need half of the stuff in there. Wish me luck!
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Mindful eating over the holidays: a childish dream?
My goodness, it's hard to stay focused on eating well over the holidays! This weekend was especially tough; I went to a lovely party hosted by a couple of friends where I was treated to a seemingly neverending buffet of hot chocolate, pound cake and 2 trays of chocolate chip cookies straight out of the oven (let me tell you—if there ever was a weakness, it is that). Today between waking up late from the late night at my friend's party to running down to Providence to spend time with family before I leave for my Florida vacation, I ended up eating a whole pile of stuff I wouldn't consider eating otherwise, including McDonald's and TasteeCakes (WHY did I pick those up?) Overall, it's been a challenge the last couple of weeks.
So it's time to step up a bit with my original fitness plan. A while back, I had made a deal with myself; if I exercised every day (by exercise, I mean 45 minutes of physical activity a day, which can be training on the elliptical, vinyasa yoga, pilates or walking) every week, on Sunday night I would give myself $5 in a special fund which would be used to purchase some luxury item or another. It was originally going to be DVDs, but I'm beginning to think I'm going to start investing in some really nice yoga clothes—stuff I'd feel proud wearing if I have to run out and get something at the store before I do yoga. So this week, if I'm really good and I work out every day, I'm going to give myself $20. Week after, $15, week after that, $10 and back down to the original $5 per week. Hopefully in time I'll get back up to my goal again, and hopefully once I'm back in the swing of daily yoga, I can cut this sweet habit I've been going insane with.
So it's time to step up a bit with my original fitness plan. A while back, I had made a deal with myself; if I exercised every day (by exercise, I mean 45 minutes of physical activity a day, which can be training on the elliptical, vinyasa yoga, pilates or walking) every week, on Sunday night I would give myself $5 in a special fund which would be used to purchase some luxury item or another. It was originally going to be DVDs, but I'm beginning to think I'm going to start investing in some really nice yoga clothes—stuff I'd feel proud wearing if I have to run out and get something at the store before I do yoga. So this week, if I'm really good and I work out every day, I'm going to give myself $20. Week after, $15, week after that, $10 and back down to the original $5 per week. Hopefully in time I'll get back up to my goal again, and hopefully once I'm back in the swing of daily yoga, I can cut this sweet habit I've been going insane with.
Tuesday, December 5, 2006
Advice on planning for 2007
A terrific woman in my network, Kerri Salls of Breakthrough Business School, gave me some great advice on planning for 2007:
1) sketch out where you want to be, personally and professionally, in 2010;
2) break that down to where you need to be in 2007 to get you there;
3) break that down into 90-day action plans to help you move toward your vision.
Kerri is a consultant that helps business owners make more money in less time. I met her during a speaking engagement I did at the Northeastern University XCel Conference, and her workshop on managing your finances gave me some terrific new ideas that I put into place almost immediately after the event. If you're an entrepreneur looking to take your business to the next level and make more money in less time, check out her website at Breakthrough-Business-School.com.
1) sketch out where you want to be, personally and professionally, in 2010;
2) break that down to where you need to be in 2007 to get you there;
3) break that down into 90-day action plans to help you move toward your vision.
Kerri is a consultant that helps business owners make more money in less time. I met her during a speaking engagement I did at the Northeastern University XCel Conference, and her workshop on managing your finances gave me some terrific new ideas that I put into place almost immediately after the event. If you're an entrepreneur looking to take your business to the next level and make more money in less time, check out her website at Breakthrough-Business-School.com.
On productivity
Over the last few days I haven't felt as organized as I could be — my apartment is pretty much in order, laundry and dishes are in good shape, office is pretty well organized, but something feels... off.
What I'm realizing is that, now that a few of my jobs have either been buttoned up completely or are still waiting approval, the only thing left is to work on my own stuff. And that, for whatever reason, always makes me incredibly lazy.
It's time for an action plan. Over the next month, I'm going to be focusing on revamping the zen kitchen's website, re-evaluating the marketing plan for the studio, and working out a business plan for a couple of other business/personal things I want to get started.
In the immediate, it's time to break the insanely overwhelming task of revamping the website into its smallest possible chunks. Home page: done. The rest: well, still needs to be done.
Okay; let's get going!
What I'm realizing is that, now that a few of my jobs have either been buttoned up completely or are still waiting approval, the only thing left is to work on my own stuff. And that, for whatever reason, always makes me incredibly lazy.
It's time for an action plan. Over the next month, I'm going to be focusing on revamping the zen kitchen's website, re-evaluating the marketing plan for the studio, and working out a business plan for a couple of other business/personal things I want to get started.
In the immediate, it's time to break the insanely overwhelming task of revamping the website into its smallest possible chunks. Home page: done. The rest: well, still needs to be done.
Okay; let's get going!
Friday, December 1, 2006
Thanksgiving: A Challenging Week
So, by the Monday before Thanksgiving, I was completely burned out on work. One project in particular had gotten me to the point where I didn't want to think about being near a computer, let alone getting more work done for my clients or for the zen kitchen. The good thing was that that Wednesday afternoon, we headed up to my mother's house in Maine, to spend four days hanging out with Mom, my best friend Rachael and her kids, our friend Sin and my boyfriend Nick. I had four days with NO INTERNET ACCESS WHATSOEVER. And it was beautiful.
It was, however, a bit challenging on the diet and exercise front. I actually ate some of my mother's turkey (oh my GOD it was good), and everyone at the house spent the entire time chipping away at the ungodly amount of food that was presented to us - sweet potatoes with marshmallows, walnuts and coconut, a 20-lb. turkey with stuffing, escarole soup (which I made with the turkey stock I made from the turkey bones) and some of mom's famous applesauce and cranberry sauce. I don't think there was a moment in four days when I actually felt hungry. To make matters worse, there was no room anywhere in the house where I could exercise, which meant no yoga, and no exercise other than a bit of a hike with the kids and Nick on Friday.
Since I got back on Sunday night, my eating has returned to almost normal, thank goodness - aside from a bit of ice cream here and there, I've been doing well. But I haven't been able to get back into the yoga habit, or do any other form of exercise with any consistency.
It's interesting to note how such a little setback can throw everything off course.
It was, however, a bit challenging on the diet and exercise front. I actually ate some of my mother's turkey (oh my GOD it was good), and everyone at the house spent the entire time chipping away at the ungodly amount of food that was presented to us - sweet potatoes with marshmallows, walnuts and coconut, a 20-lb. turkey with stuffing, escarole soup (which I made with the turkey stock I made from the turkey bones) and some of mom's famous applesauce and cranberry sauce. I don't think there was a moment in four days when I actually felt hungry. To make matters worse, there was no room anywhere in the house where I could exercise, which meant no yoga, and no exercise other than a bit of a hike with the kids and Nick on Friday.
Since I got back on Sunday night, my eating has returned to almost normal, thank goodness - aside from a bit of ice cream here and there, I've been doing well. But I haven't been able to get back into the yoga habit, or do any other form of exercise with any consistency.
It's interesting to note how such a little setback can throw everything off course.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
A Productive Weekend
Today, in the interest of getting ahead of things and avoiding the inevitable guilt that ensues when I spend time during the week on marketing my studio (don't worry - I'm trying to get over it), I spent the better part of the day making much needed updates to the site , preparing some files for an upcoming call for entries, and getting my monthly e-mail newsletter ready to go out on Tuesday.
The day was positive on several levels; for one, I was up and out of the house to meet a friend for breakfast at 9:30 (a triumph for Sunday - I'm usually not up until somewhere around noon!), after which I went to Advance Auto Parts to top off my car's various fluids, dropped off some plastic shopping bags at the local Shaw's for recycling, and picked up a few things I needed at the store. By noon, I was back in the studio and getting to work. I even managed to get in a 40 minute walk, 40 minutes of yoga, and a quick dinner at Charlie's Kitchen in Harvard Square.
What I'm learning from all this is two things: a) I really do get a lot more done when I wake up early (imagine what would have happened if I had gotten up at 6 - I would have been done even sooner!) and b) I'm much more productive overall if I have at least a few hours a day where I'm not interrupted.
So, starting tomorrow, I wake up at 6, start my day with yoga, breakfast and a shower, and I don't check my e-mail or answer the phone until 11am.
The day was positive on several levels; for one, I was up and out of the house to meet a friend for breakfast at 9:30 (a triumph for Sunday - I'm usually not up until somewhere around noon!), after which I went to Advance Auto Parts to top off my car's various fluids, dropped off some plastic shopping bags at the local Shaw's for recycling, and picked up a few things I needed at the store. By noon, I was back in the studio and getting to work. I even managed to get in a 40 minute walk, 40 minutes of yoga, and a quick dinner at Charlie's Kitchen in Harvard Square.
What I'm learning from all this is two things: a) I really do get a lot more done when I wake up early (imagine what would have happened if I had gotten up at 6 - I would have been done even sooner!) and b) I'm much more productive overall if I have at least a few hours a day where I'm not interrupted.
So, starting tomorrow, I wake up at 6, start my day with yoga, breakfast and a shower, and I don't check my e-mail or answer the phone until 11am.
Friday, November 17, 2006
A terrific day
Today has been great. I didn't get up as early as I would have liked, but I got a lot done today in terms of finishing up jobs for my clients, I ate very well, and I exercised twice — once for half an hour on the elliptical (I do find that daytime television is essential to the enjoyment of using the elliptical, particularly those judge shows and/or Springer—yes, Springer), and once just now, when I did 50 minutes of yoga. I feel amazing.
I'm coming to realize a few things about my time management skills (or lack thereof): I would get much more done if I started my day earlier. By this, I actually mean much earlier — Jeff Fisher mentioned in my HOW Forum post on the same subject that he starts his day at 5:30 AM and takes a nap at 4pm. That way he can get all his work done in the morning with no distractions, and he is finished by about noon and can move on to administrative and marketing stuff. I'm pondering this for my own daily routine—although I would probably have to alter it a bit. What I realized today is that I really need to do yoga earlier—if I could feel this amazing every morning, then I would get a lot more done, and if I had a few hours of really productive time first thing in the morning before clients started e-mailing me, I think I'd be a lot more productive on the whole, and I'd be able to feel like I've finished work early enough—not to mention I'd be able to get in all my various daily distractions (exercise, making meals, cleaning up, reading books, etc.). This, of course, also lends itself to much less stress in my life, because I actually feel like I'm getting everything done and I'm still doing what I need to take care of myself.
So, I'm going to give it a try starting next week. This means some major changes—primarily making it a point to get to bed by 10 on "school nights"—but I think I can make it work. If I could wake up at 6am to watch the Flying Nun and DangerMouse when I was a kid, I can certainly get up at 5:30 to get a more productive start to my day.
I'm coming to realize a few things about my time management skills (or lack thereof): I would get much more done if I started my day earlier. By this, I actually mean much earlier — Jeff Fisher mentioned in my HOW Forum post on the same subject that he starts his day at 5:30 AM and takes a nap at 4pm. That way he can get all his work done in the morning with no distractions, and he is finished by about noon and can move on to administrative and marketing stuff. I'm pondering this for my own daily routine—although I would probably have to alter it a bit. What I realized today is that I really need to do yoga earlier—if I could feel this amazing every morning, then I would get a lot more done, and if I had a few hours of really productive time first thing in the morning before clients started e-mailing me, I think I'd be a lot more productive on the whole, and I'd be able to feel like I've finished work early enough—not to mention I'd be able to get in all my various daily distractions (exercise, making meals, cleaning up, reading books, etc.). This, of course, also lends itself to much less stress in my life, because I actually feel like I'm getting everything done and I'm still doing what I need to take care of myself.
So, I'm going to give it a try starting next week. This means some major changes—primarily making it a point to get to bed by 10 on "school nights"—but I think I can make it work. If I could wake up at 6am to watch the Flying Nun and DangerMouse when I was a kid, I can certainly get up at 5:30 to get a more productive start to my day.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
The Exercise Challenge
About a month ago, I made a challenge myself: start working out every day. My workouts would be a combination of my typical exercise: yoga, pilates, and walking to places near me (I'm very lucky to have quite a few popular neighborhoods within a 20-minute walk from me, which means I end up spending a lot of time walking to the store, to meet friends, or to get the T. I would track the workouts on the whiteboard calendar in my kitchen, and at the end of every week, if I had exercised every day, I would give myself $5 that I could spend on DVDs (I do love my movies).
After 30 days, I can proudly say that I have a total of $15 in my DVD fund. I did have one bad week, where I missed 2 workouts because of a particularly upsetting situation with a client; however, for the most part, I was a very good girl.
This month, the challenge continues. Yesterday was a bit of an off day (the only exercise I got was a walk to Porter Square and back, which was about 40 minutes of very moderate walking), but Monday and Tuesday were very good days, and tonight I plan on doing yoga before bed, as well as somet time on my elliptical during the Office.
The next step? Getting my diet in line. The last week or so has been pretty good, although yesterday (yes, again) was a bit of an off day as far as dinner went - Nachos and an eggplant burger at Christopher's in Porter. oh. my. goodness. SO good. Today I'm back to relatively normal eating. More on that later.
After 30 days, I can proudly say that I have a total of $15 in my DVD fund. I did have one bad week, where I missed 2 workouts because of a particularly upsetting situation with a client; however, for the most part, I was a very good girl.
This month, the challenge continues. Yesterday was a bit of an off day (the only exercise I got was a walk to Porter Square and back, which was about 40 minutes of very moderate walking), but Monday and Tuesday were very good days, and tonight I plan on doing yoga before bed, as well as somet time on my elliptical during the Office.
The next step? Getting my diet in line. The last week or so has been pretty good, although yesterday (yes, again) was a bit of an off day as far as dinner went - Nachos and an eggplant burger at Christopher's in Porter. oh. my. goodness. SO good. Today I'm back to relatively normal eating. More on that later.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Losing Weight Step 1: Love Yourself As You Are.
According to a recent newsletter by Dr. Christiana Northrup, author of Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom,, the first step to lasting weight loss and changing your relationship with food is to love yourself exactly as you are. With that in mind, during the trip to Target I mentioned in last night's entry, I decided that my first order of business was to buy a few clothing items that would be comfortable and look great on me at the size I am now, instead of my normal habit of keeping my closet full of clothes that are my old size and telling myself I'll "get back down to that weight someday." I purposely kept the selections to a minimum and bought really nice items - a dark red button-down shirt, a brown cashmere sweater, a new bra and two gorgeous pairs of dress pants.
Last night, I made it a point to dress up with full makeup (not a remotely normal occurence for me), and I wore my new red shirt to a party at a friend's house, along with a skirt and high-heeled boots. And, much to my delight, I got several compliments on the outfit from several of the party-goers, which motivated me to go on an hourlong speed-walk with my boyfriend Nick after we got home last night. I also took time out this evening for another 45-minute walk, which will likely be followed up by a half hour of yoga later on.
The next step: examining my relationship with food and fine-tuning my eating habits.
Last night, I made it a point to dress up with full makeup (not a remotely normal occurence for me), and I wore my new red shirt to a party at a friend's house, along with a skirt and high-heeled boots. And, much to my delight, I got several compliments on the outfit from several of the party-goers, which motivated me to go on an hourlong speed-walk with my boyfriend Nick after we got home last night. I also took time out this evening for another 45-minute walk, which will likely be followed up by a half hour of yoga later on.
The next step: examining my relationship with food and fine-tuning my eating habits.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Day One: Back to Size 16
My name is Dani Nordin, and I turned 30 last July. I was born and raised in Providence, RI, and now live in Somerville, MA, where I moved almost two years ago. In my life, I've been an actress, a performance poet, a karaoke diva, an administrative assistant with a special gift for Access databases, a social and environmental activist, and a graphic designer. At the moment, I am the principal of a small but growing design studio called the zen kitchen, where I help businesses, individuals and non-profits expand their reach through eco-friendly graphic design and standards-based web design (two of my passions). I do yoga almost every day, have just started learning Tai Chi, and am an expert at making healthy vegetarian food taste so good you forget that it's good for you.
By many people's standards, I have a pretty good life. By my own standards, most of the time, I have a pretty good life. But one thing has bothered me since I was eight years old, and it's about time I came out about it: my weight.
Food, aside from being one of my passions, has always been the way I deal with stress. It's one of my few truly self-destructive tendencies; I get stressed out, all of a sudden I'm grabbing a bag of Cheetos at the grocery store and eating half of it on my way home, or stopping at some fast-food joint or another and deciding it's "okay this one time" if I have an entire order of Nachos Bell Grande (no meat, thank you very much). While normally I eat pretty healthy (other than a few particularly indulgent dishes I throw into the mix once a month or so), an extended period of stress is guaranteed to throw any health-conscious tendencies out the window.
I started using food as an outlet when I was about eight. My parents, never a particularly happy couple, were just starting to near the point of divorce, and for the life of me I didn't know how to deal with it. To make matters worse, I was—shall we say—unpopular as a child, branded "the smart kid" by the time I was in kindergarten, and torn between my desire to constantly be learning and my desire for people to stop making fun of me. I pretended I was okay. I withdrew to the library. I invented new snacks.
By the time I was fifteen, I was a size 18, and somewhere around 215 pounds. That year, about 2 years after my parents finally got divorced and 1 year after I had decided to stay with my father, something in me snapped. I moved in with my mother, gave up meat, and spent the next six months exercising every day and living on beans and rice, omelettes and pasta with tomato sauce (it was what we could afford, and it was what I liked to eat). By the time I returned to school, I had lost 65 pounds and decided to switch high schools so I could pursue my dream of acting. By the time I reached college, I was a size 10, and stayed vegetarian for the next three years.
Since that time, I've had two separate instances where, due to the circumstances of my life, I've found myself back around 215, made major life changes, and gotten back down to somewhere around 170. Right now, after 3+ years of dealing with one seemingly insane life-crisis situation after another, I've found myself back at a size 16, as a recent trip to Target has shown. And now, at 30, I feel like it's time to get this thing under control. It's time to change my relationship with food; to stop seeing it as comfort, or punishment for not doing/being what I should. It's time to get myself healthy again.
Over the next few months, I'll be using this blog to share my journey, not only as someone trying to lose weight, but as someone trying to find wellness in all areas of life—finances, stress, time management, relationship. You might ask why I'd share such incredibly personal information with an Internet full of complete strangers, especially as a business owner; the answer is simple. I know I'm not the only person out there who's ever experienced depression, and I certainly know I'm not the only woman who's ever suffered from a negative self-image as a result of her weight. And if my story can help even one person out there who's dealing with these issues, then I have fulfilled the purpose of this blog.
By many people's standards, I have a pretty good life. By my own standards, most of the time, I have a pretty good life. But one thing has bothered me since I was eight years old, and it's about time I came out about it: my weight.
Food, aside from being one of my passions, has always been the way I deal with stress. It's one of my few truly self-destructive tendencies; I get stressed out, all of a sudden I'm grabbing a bag of Cheetos at the grocery store and eating half of it on my way home, or stopping at some fast-food joint or another and deciding it's "okay this one time" if I have an entire order of Nachos Bell Grande (no meat, thank you very much). While normally I eat pretty healthy (other than a few particularly indulgent dishes I throw into the mix once a month or so), an extended period of stress is guaranteed to throw any health-conscious tendencies out the window.
I started using food as an outlet when I was about eight. My parents, never a particularly happy couple, were just starting to near the point of divorce, and for the life of me I didn't know how to deal with it. To make matters worse, I was—shall we say—unpopular as a child, branded "the smart kid" by the time I was in kindergarten, and torn between my desire to constantly be learning and my desire for people to stop making fun of me. I pretended I was okay. I withdrew to the library. I invented new snacks.
By the time I was fifteen, I was a size 18, and somewhere around 215 pounds. That year, about 2 years after my parents finally got divorced and 1 year after I had decided to stay with my father, something in me snapped. I moved in with my mother, gave up meat, and spent the next six months exercising every day and living on beans and rice, omelettes and pasta with tomato sauce (it was what we could afford, and it was what I liked to eat). By the time I returned to school, I had lost 65 pounds and decided to switch high schools so I could pursue my dream of acting. By the time I reached college, I was a size 10, and stayed vegetarian for the next three years.
Since that time, I've had two separate instances where, due to the circumstances of my life, I've found myself back around 215, made major life changes, and gotten back down to somewhere around 170. Right now, after 3+ years of dealing with one seemingly insane life-crisis situation after another, I've found myself back at a size 16, as a recent trip to Target has shown. And now, at 30, I feel like it's time to get this thing under control. It's time to change my relationship with food; to stop seeing it as comfort, or punishment for not doing/being what I should. It's time to get myself healthy again.
Over the next few months, I'll be using this blog to share my journey, not only as someone trying to lose weight, but as someone trying to find wellness in all areas of life—finances, stress, time management, relationship. You might ask why I'd share such incredibly personal information with an Internet full of complete strangers, especially as a business owner; the answer is simple. I know I'm not the only person out there who's ever experienced depression, and I certainly know I'm not the only woman who's ever suffered from a negative self-image as a result of her weight. And if my story can help even one person out there who's dealing with these issues, then I have fulfilled the purpose of this blog.
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